Current mood:	scared
Current music:	TV

I can't handle it!
I can't handle being here anymore! I hold my Grandma above everyone, but I can't take seeing her the way she is. She is slowly going and there is nothing I can do about it!!! She sleeps all the time, and I'm scared that I'll go in to see her and she will be gone, left in her sleep. Her memory is fading, she doesn't eat barely anything. I wanna be one place right now, but I can't. Thats a whole other problem that I can't get out of my FUCKING head!!! I can't watch her slowly go. It's to hard. I think of only one person that I want comfort from, but like I can't. asking the questions in my head, I fear would only cause more shit. I don't need anything to change between us now and I'm not gonna push, but I have questions, shit thats not my FUCKING business!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!! I can't lose her. Not now!!! I want her to be here for my wedding, my children, but she won't and I know it, but I can hope. I need my comfort person. LOL I need to get over my stupidness. But I can't. I losing my hero, and I fear she's not the only one.